Okay, this is going to sound terribly emo of me for what I'm about to say...but here goes anyway.



I'm so sick of all this. Drama, pain, heartache, loneliness. For the fifth time in my life, I've had my heart shattered by some apathetic asshole who wouldn't know love it was his blood relative. All I want to do is sit here and cry a river, have a little pity party with me as the star. But, I know that won't help me get over any of this drama. My heart is growing so hard and cold towards the opposite sex, there's just no way out of it. No amount of sympathy or empathy from my friends is helping me. All I want to do is find the nearest tall building and throw myself off of it. I doubt they would care anyway. Probably just shrug it off and go back to their mother fucking video games like it never even happened. My chest is tight, and my heart has been broken so many times that I doubt it's even recognizable anymore. I wish I could say, "The hell with men," But I know I can't. I'm not that strong.



Whatever. I'm done.

Just want to share some photos with the world, lol.

Seriously! I've about had enough of all this drama and all this hate that's been going around me and my friends! I don't want to hear about it anymore. If something happens to you, and it's something that will only add more depression to someone else, then DON'T fucking tell them about it. That's what a fucking therapist is for! I have anxiety problems enough as it is. I have a bottle of Xanax and a bottle of Zoloft because of all the problems that go on in my life. I don't need your shitty problems on top of mine.

Fuck you. Keep this drama bullshit away from me. Don't talk to me unless you intend to lift my spirits.

The-fucking-end.

You know, there comes a point in time where one will ask, "Why did I even bother in the first place?" I've been seeing Gary for a bit more than four months now, and I'm starting to wonder if it was even really worth it. A couple of weeks ago I had a fight with him, and ever since then, it's been like I barely even exist to him. He barely answers my texts, won't ever call anymore, and when I do get ahold of him, he's always busy. I'm starting to think I don't matter to him. He won't come see me since I don't have a working car at the moment, saying he doesn't have the gas. Even when I offer him the money for gas, he won't attempt to come over. I guess I just repulse him now. I dunno...My life really fucking sucks right now.

So yeah, I finally told mom about my situation with the doc's and all...She fucking flipped about it. So, instead of heading back to the doc's on the 19th of November like I was supposed to, I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to get screened for more shit. I swear, my mother needs to calm down. Though, I can't blame her for freaking out, really. I probably would if my baby was going through the same thing (if I had a baby, lol).

She was saying all this bad stuff about the situation and making me feel really bad about it. I texted my Gare-Bear about it, and he called me right away, despite the fact that he was at work, and calmed me down. He's such a sweetie =D. I dunno, something about talking to him, hearing his voice, it makes me mellow. But, I digress.

Oh! Get this shit! I was checking this man and his wife out at work, doing everything by the books and whatnot. I get to the end of his order and the total came up to be 97-something dollars. He handed me a $100 bill, I give him his change and close my till. He hands me another $100 dollar bill, asking for me to break it. By company policy, I'm not allowed to do this, just in case thieves decide to get cunning. I tell him that I'm not allowed to do that and inform him that customer service would do it for him. He proceeds to get an attitude about it, saying that I was being rude. He looked at my nametag, then my face, then walked away.

I'm so fucking tired of being written up for bullshit like that. I had a woman tell me that I had ruined her stuff after I had pushed it down the belt. Fuck that! I was just moving things so I can put more stuff up there. Fucking rich assholes who know they can get away with complaining about anything. People are so hooked on this 'Customer Service' thing, where the customer is always right. So they think they can get away with complaining to a lowly cashier's boss about how the cashier didn't get on his/her knees and suck their cocks. *sigh* I need a desk job.

Anyways, I'm done whining for tonight.

Warning! Fluff beyond this point... O.o;;

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Okay, I just have to rant for a little bit about what I have gotten myself into these past few days.

Unfortunately for my sister, her husband is constantly sick, and there is no way that he could ever make a long trip with her. Well, it just so happens that my grandparents had given them a lot of money recently so that my sister could have a surgery, and Samantha and Brad wanted to go up and visit them for a week, sort of a way to say thank you without actually paying them back (because, let's face it, who has money anymore?).

The majority of my family lives in North Carolina, and my grandparents, who so generously provided money for my sister in the time of need, live up in Wisconsin. Now, considering that no one has any money, Samantha and Brad decided it would be best to travel by car. It'd be cheaper and safer for them.

Well, the problem is that Brad's low health prevented him from being able to take this trip like they had intended to, so Samantha called up the only other person she knew that would be able to make the trip with her: me. And of course, me, not thinking, is like, "Oh yeah, let me get the time off from work and I'll go with you."

*sigh* You know, I've never been so bored in my life as when I finally (after two days of travel) got up here in Wisconsin. There is absolutely nothing to do up here. And like, as soon as I crossed the Wisconsin border line, my cell phone told me to fuck off, because there is absolutely no AT&T service out here. I was so pissed.

Fortunately for me, I brought my laptop, because my grandparents are as old as stone, and they are technologically illiterate, so they have no internet. BUT I managed to find Wi-Fi here. I don't know who it belongs to, but god bless them, they didn't have it secured and I can use it. It might just be a local thing, but still.

But, Sammie got homesick last night, and we decided that we're going to be leaving a day earlier than planned. On the inside, I was like, "Woopee!" so, yeah. I just want to get home and see my chica, Tawny, and see my beau.

Write me and send me love, because I need it badly. Please?

I got my own laptop! Praise me. PRAISE ME!

Haha, I don't care if people think this is a horrible idea or not, but I would totally make a musical reality television show. I don't care who would be on it, preferably people who could sing, but I digress. I would have it to where people would practice the night before, then let them go about their daily lives the next day. But, if they hear a certain sound, like an alarm of sorts, they all have to break out into the musical number they had practiced the previous night. *shrugs* Probably not a great idea, but I thought it would be epic. A lot better than these reality shows they have out now.

Hmmm... Vampires or Werewolves, you say?

The answer is simple for me: Vampires. You get to live for eternity. It would give you time to perfect any skill of which you desire. And if you keep an open mind, it won't be boring. There's always other skills to perfect if you think you're at your best with the one you were working on.

Plus, I effing hate the sun. Canerous fiend.

And, there's a certain beguiling quality to Vampires. The way the walk, talk, move in general. So sleek and wise...